Friday, July 06, 2007

ambivalence

I'm sitting here in a corner, ignoring the fact that we're leaving in 7 weeks. Why, you ask? Haven't we all been in a suspended state with fingers crossed for nigh on 6 months? Shouldn't I be supremely excited to leave and reenter society? I should. And part of me is, but the other half kinda wants to stay and be Carefree, Weird Foreigner (CWF, for short) forever. Despite this country trying to suck my husband's soul dry, part of me is sad to be leaving.

I probably freaked out my mom with so little enthusiasm; she's completely giddy and planning and I'm all, meh. It's as though I feel guilty either way. Or possibly I only want to stay because I don't have to. I don't know. But planning has done me no good, so I'm definitely not doing that. Just gonna fly by the seat of my pants.

I've also gotta figure out What To Take, What To Leave, and What To Give Away. I took some of Julia's clothes that she refuses to wear, i.e. skirts, flowers, pink, green to the park to give to a tiny 7 year old who appreciates the finer, sparkly, girly things in life and also a pair of blue snowboots for her little brother. He kept asking me whose they were, I kept saying they were now his, he couldn't believe it and asked his mom if it was true. And then proceeded to wear the boots (but not ugg, maybe snowbear, or bearshoe, i dunno) in 90 degree weather. It was love!

Also, I never know how to feel about giving jules' clothes away because while I know it helps, especially here in the land of no money and tiny apartments, I don't want to be the weird American who gives expensive (but thrift store so not) clothes away to near strangers while refusing to give her child coke. Oh, the humanity.

Although, I guess I'm already the weird American what with all the non-worrying I do at the playground. I know some of you have heard my rant before, but that won't stop me. hehe. What is the point of a slide? Is it not the 3 seconds of, try to get this, sliding, the free falling sensation? Because here they are totally missing it by holding their damn 2 year olds while simulating the sensation! I understand that nobody wants to see their child get hurt, but holy hell is their joy in the little things worth less? I'll never get. That and all the parents sitting on a bench screaming at children, "Nem szabad!" (Not allowed) and "Le ne es!" (Don't fall!) And finally, the parent who yells not to hit and then slaps the boy because obviously hitting your child is the best way to teach them not to hit. But I digress.

A randomly odd question I am often asked: Which is easier to learn: German or English? As if I knew how hard it is for a non-speaker to learn German, or English for that matter. I try to explain that I don't know as English is my first language and also, I don't speak German. Or I'll ask them which is harder Magyar (Hungarian) or Japanese? Do you know what they say?

THEY ALWAYS SAY MAGYAR!

How do they know?

4 comments:

Kit said...

Carefree Weird Foreigner, is kind of fun, special exemption from any expectations of conforming...you'll just have to find another disguise for when you're back home. Pretend to be Hungarian and then you can still be the CWF!

Good luck with all the limbo time till the departure.

Romi said...

Hee. What an experience! I do understand the feelings you are having about leaving. It's not that odd. Really. :)

sherriknits said...

It seems pretty normal to me, too. We humans are kinda like that, aren't we.

LetterB said...

Because everything Magyar is the best (or in this case the worst but still the best because harder=better).

Congrats on the visa! I understand your ambivalence, it's not just a move; it's a total identity change for the whole family.